I sing through Legba's songs. The drums ring to my voice. It's eery how they do that, but I am not frightened; I make a mental note and keep going. I sing for Hountor and the drums really ring. Ok, the way is open.
I am easily distracted today -- my Lwa bottles are going well, and I promised myself that when I finished my morning tax work, I would spend the afternoon painting. I focus back into my mind and do the breathing exercise from my shamanic days. In, hold, become aware of that stop; out, hold; become aware of that stop. Three times through and I shift again to the dogs moving upstairs. Again, refocus. This harder than I thought. Breathing, thinking, listening.
Legba once said if "you want more, then I expect more." I thought he was kidding. Honestly, I did. I didn't put any kind of terms on it, I just said I' like to be known for something before I die. Done, he replied, with the cavaet of "wanting more." I should have known better, but I was young, I had just come through my Saturn return -- what did I know of bargaining with Spirit?
So now I sit in a beautiful temple, with a pair of new drums I am trying to consecrate through these 40 days of prayer and I keep letting stray stuff wander through my mind. What kind of priest am I? Can I be so easily led astray if I can't even focus for 10 minutes a day?
Ugh. Focus. Breathe. I begin the three Hail Marys, and the three Our Fathers. I do them in English, as I have a better rhythm for saying them that way. I sail through Mary and then I launch into the Our Father -
"Notre pere, ki ou dans ceil"....wait a minute, where did that come from? I try again, to say it in French and I actually mange to get to the "donne nou aujourdhui notre pan de se jou" before my brain farts and I lose the thread. Damn. But I get the message. Learn the French, so you can keep the focus. Got it.
I make a mental note to keep my book downstairs. I will read those prayers every day, three times a day, until I can do them off book. Mesi Legba. I tip rum and give thanks. Pat the drums and head back to the computer. I can do this. Yes, I can.