Monday, March 4, 2013

My Vodou Lenten Meditation - Day 19 of Forty

This was not the Sunday I had planned. The Boyz had been tussling all morning. Like two out of control stunt actors, they had been careening off the coffee table, over the couches and into plants. The rough housing came to an abrupt halt when Uriel began to choke. The three humans in the house went to see what had happened. Long story short, Uri had a nylon stocking he hand nicked out of Chelsea's room and had been playing tug-o-war with Bodhi, when Bodhi suddenly let go. The stocking snapped back into Uri's throat and he forced it down so he could breathe.

This facilitated a slightly panicked run to the vet's and an emergency vomit session, which fortuantely brought the stocking back up. $200 poorer, we returned home to keep an eye on our big boy and make sure he didn't have a repeat episode. All the attention has made him a very loving dog again.

But it made me realize what's real and what is not real. I spend a lot of time with spirit. I pray, I say the Priye daily. I am alone most of the day - the houngan heads out to work at 7am and doesn't get home until 7pm. That's a long day, with just three pups, myself and the Internet for entertainment. I am human - I get side-tracked very easily. I surf things that interest me (nephilium, imported perfumes, Middle Eastern Qawali singers...I have odd tastes). And I spend a lot of time making art for the public and spirits. Which is to say I spend a lot of time in my own head. Sometimes, the gift is to be brought back down to earth -- at a price I am willing to pay. That's not how I felt about Uriel on Sunday. No, I was not going to pay this price - I will be more vigilant and careful with this life I have taken on.

I had a painful goodby last week, and mourned my loss - until this morning, when a very real moment occurred. As I held my dog in my lap in the backseat, I was running a  loud script through my head - what kind of decisions are we going to have make about Uriel?; will this impact the fet this weekend?; what should I say about the initiate who left?; this episode reminds me of my friend Saum's loss of her beloved horse this week; Chelsea leaving her socks out, Don being gone too much....the same things over and over again. When the Vet came into the waiting room to tell us that Uriel would be fine, I burst into tears. Don murmured something appropriate, the vet nodded, and we left for home.

As Don drove home, Uriel snuggled into my lap, and I held his curly, soft head.  His beautiful almond shaped eyes looked up adoringly at me, and I was hit with a truly numinous moment. A reminder of what's real and what is not; of what's important to me and what is not.

It was like someone had slammed me earthward, planting my feet into the soil, and rooting me to the land. No more Mrs. Nice Guy. I will be more grounded from now on. I will take control of my life and stop waiting for someone else or something to happen before I act. And when change occurs, be it a departure or an arrival, I will handle it as I should -- with clarity and firmness. It's a new day, and I will be the champion of my own soul. Ayibobo.

Mi di twa Pater, twa Ave Maria....mesi anpil Papa Legba, pou vi m' chen.

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